Don't you send me to vm
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
