Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
