One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
