i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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