I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
