I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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