i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
