So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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