Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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