Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
