you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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