Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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