I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
