I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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