kristin has been a bad kristin
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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