All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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