I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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