i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
