I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
