She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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