that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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