its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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