He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
