so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
