I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
