i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
