dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
