I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
