Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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