pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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