I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
