what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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