Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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