so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
