thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
