Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
