Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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