How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
