I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
