some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's the barista slut.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
