It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
