every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
