I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
