btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
