Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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