my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
