I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He felt like a one man threesome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
