my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
