Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
