I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
