Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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